Wednesday, 14 April 2010

inanimate animates.

i want to cut the out all the facial elements from my photos and stick them all over the place.

Friday, 9 April 2010



Thursday, 11 March 2010

andre and robert.

So there was this truly feminine guy on the drone the other day. He was flamboyant and truly confident, as he exited the train he looked endearingly at this man beside him and sort of..wiggled his body? In a flirtacious way. The other acknowledged him, shook his head, smiled and then looked away. The flirty guy lets call him, andre. He looks exotic, the warmer regions of europe perhaps. Andre just happily bounces of the train with the white earphones in his head.

Gee, i thought. Love his confidence. He probably does that with everybody.

So today, im sitting here typing on the drone, staring at the two of them. Andre and... Robert. He is standing with his back towards andre, reading a paper. Andre is seated, ipod. For a couple they seem oddly distant, flamboyant andre and reserved robert. It actually seems as though Robert is ashamed of being seen next to andre.

The Heart and the Brain.

Sunday, 7 March 2010

the day of rest.

She felt ugly today. Her heart ached as she compared herself to everyone else. She was noone, and although she said she was independent, she was not. She could not even do a simple piece of academic work without external help. She felt herself implode.

The sudden increase in frequency of her nose bleeds were strangely welcomed. She kind of hoped that they were a symptom of an incredible disease that caused instantaneous death. could it be that easy?

The Heart and The Brain.

Friday, 5 March 2010

The Divine chocolate bar and the packet of crisps.

Sitting on her sofa, she reflected upon her feelings of the day. She was unsure of herself and she did not understand why. She felt as though she had so many choices to make but she just wanted a single indecisive moment free from decisions.

Being a social recluse was natural for her, but recently she seemed to have gained a strange need for people. She had lost the only-child phenomenon.

She was highly enthusiastic about academia and the feminist probably thought she was a super nerd geek hybrid. For a split second that made her feel slightly awkward. Then she realised she liked it. She kind of loved awkward.

The Heart and the Brain.

Wednesday, 3 March 2010

The library.

The girl opposite sat there, smiling, grinning at nothing that was obvious.

The Heart and the Brain.

Tuesday, 2 March 2010

The long winded girl.

'OH MY GOSH! IT'S SO BRIGHT!' she exclaimed in her thoughts as she quickly shielded her face from the rays of the morning sun. She had let herself forget this feeling.

'The Tube is wholly incompetent and has self imploded' she heard on the radio. Well not really, but it might as well when the worlds population is stuck on the damn thing. But it was okay, her class was a little later and the sun was shining.

She smiled as the heat warmed the back of her legs against the chilly wind. It was perfect. She didn't even frown when the online timetable directed her to the wrong room. The sun was on. Everything was okay.

She had lunch with her superiors and although she requires vast amounts of time to finish a meal, she simply pretended she could not eat any more. Not another morsel. It was convincing. Since her natural body was borderline anorexic anyways. The faux thai was a bit shit aswell. She had this thing, actually she has many things. This was one of them. If it's good food she'll eat so much it would scare you, if it was shit, she only needed a spoonful for the full up sensation. That's all. Not very interesting is it. Sorry.

'Please make use of all the space available,' came the slightly bored voice over the tube intercom, 'especially if it's under someone's armpit. 'Oh, the tube man was hilarious when it's faux rush hour. 'BAHAHAHAH! Brilliant!' burst out a fellow passenger. Who said London was dreary?

The Heart and the Brain.

Monday, 1 March 2010

The white hearted sock.

So tired. She could barely keep her eyes open on the monday morning drone. She felt particularly ugly today. Not that she was pretty in any sense.

Class was not great, eyes closed in the front row. Hmmm. The second part of the lecture for the catatonic class failed to turn up. It was a repeating pattern with this particular module. She could not think of one instance when a class had ran smoothly without lateness or incompetence from the lecturer.

She quickly rushed to McDonalds for a craved breakfast. She wasn't feeding herself well and had lost every inclination of maintaining a healthy balanced diet. She was never like this. She used to cook. And enjoy it. She used to make sure that she had the RDA of fruit and vegetables. You know, 'five a day!'. But yesterday, her mother had left food aside, that could be easily cooked for dinner. She was so tired she just closed the fridge and curled into bed. Tiredness overwhelming hunger.

Neither the fire alarm or the perfectly timed nose bleed during her favourite class helped the 'this is going to be a good day' bid the sun was pleading.

That was it. The library was not a good place today. She went home. Praying. Praying to her non existant god for the scarce willpower to continue with her dissertation.

The sun was out to today. She loved it.

The Heart and the Brain.

Sunday, 28 February 2010

The bottle of Asahi.

Of course she didn't go to church for a service. It was a special event and the title was 'why does god allow suffering?' It was interesting and she especially loved when everyone stood up to sing, She stood up as a sign of respect.

After some tempura and a heated discussion over god, she headed over to ladurée for her first try of macarons. The sky was grey and the clouds were spritzing rain, she quickly took the tube and visited the library once again.

1830. She was at the lobby of the hotel. Feeling self conscious and unimportant. Fashion shows made her feel everyone was looking down on her. It didnt help that they were all 6 foot tall!

She felt kind of sad. A kind of regret. Having the opportunity to participate in the fashion show but turning it down. It was a bad move. She was jealous as well. She only wishes that she could be like the president. She feels irrelevant when next to the president and she knows that this person is full of lies. Maybe thats how to get up in the world!

'Lesbians! Lesbians!' one of her friends screamed. They laughed out loud for ages at the tube station. The couple were actually heterosexual. Oh, the shame.

The Heart and the Brain.

Saturday, 27 February 2010

The 35mm film.

On the daily drone, she is deep in thought about how bad the day is going to be. Work used to fun and spontaneous, now it's nothing short of a brain solvent. It sucks the life and soul out of her and she knows that when she enters happy, she
will exit incredibly depressed and pissed off. She loves the extra money though so she won't give it up until necessary.

But today, she went in dead and came out alive. Her one colleague always seemed to conjure up magnifcently brain stimulating conversations and she can't help but feel her argument trump his. 'If you found the vaccine for AIDS, would you release it or make money?'. Such a flawed question, she simply couldn't understand how he could not see.

Talking about visual impairment, her other colleague was blind. no doubt about it. With a boyfriend who was exactly the opposite, she could not imagine why the lovely girl next to her would fall for such an asshole. Dependency? Perhaps the feminist she spoke to yesterday was correct!

Our main character sees herself as independent you see, she only required herself and everyone else was....irrevelent. Perhaps that was one of those pessimistic protective mechanisms. It didn't matter. It helped her. In her mind no one would be forgiven or forgotten no matter what grade the betrayal was. No one. It would be a battle of the heart and the brain. And the heart would always win. She didn't need any one. She was the lone wolf. 'Self sufficiency!' she exclaimed. Grudges was one of her worst characteristics. But she knows. This was why, several years ago she decided never to share her private life with her friends, family or aquaintances. Anonymity was one of her favourite words. She realised she could not trust anyone, and she came to see this as a benefit. Because you simply could not end a friendship over a betrayal of which there was no material to betray with in the first place. It was simple. Effective.

If the world kept its big mouth shut, many friendships would still exist. But gossip would vanish. We couldn't have that now, could we?

As she takes the drone home, she feels good. She is comtemplating a hair trim when she gets home. Standing at the platform was a cute guy, she fluttered her eyelashes and pretended to look hard to get. Fail. That was that.

She will be attending church the next morning, for some reason! And then heading to a university fashion show. She was in no way religious! She was a scientist and she knew that a religious scientist was most definately an oxymoron.

'Is your religion christianity?' she asked. 'no' he said. 'christianity is not a religion its a way of life'. 'What a stupid comment' she thought.

The Heart and the Brain.

Friday, 26 February 2010

the red maggot.

It was 0650 all of a sudden and she haphazardly prepared the three snooze alarms &&promptly shoved the charger up the iphones lovely ass. late for school, but only by 10 minutes.

There were maggots in a box and a class full of squeamish girls. 'argh! it's like i can feel them crawling up my sleeve' one of them said, frantically gesturing at her arm. after several attempts the assistant managed to set up an efficient respirometer and measured the little maggots rate of respiration. they were quite disgusting; squirming and frothing like a volcano about to erupt. she felt like she was there just to help aphrehend the little runaways.

she spoke to her school crush that morning and she felt weird. he didn't recognise her. this was a good thing. she couldn't bare the thought that she used to blatantly overstare. she remembered that on her last day in 2005 she cried in his lab. how silly.

After a long talk with a feminist who generalised men to an extent that she felt uncomfortable, she set off to her second home; the library. This girl was a geek, she found comfort and security in the library. After a one of these sessions, she feels overworked but content, it was her way to numb the stress of third year uni.

After an insightful lecture, she became obsessed with LSD and special K. 'Did you get the stuff?' she asked her hospital friend. 'No of course not! I've lost my drug dealer boyfriend!' She was seriously comtemplating these hallucinogens since neither displayed much detrimental effect. She felt like she needed some kind of release, something new and refreshing. she was bored with life. thats why she cut her waist length hair to shoulder on the whim. she really thought it would refresh her but it just felt the same.

So back to the 26th Febuary, she ate crab and wrote wonderful words for her step sister and her cousin.

Arcades was the next stop, wasting pounds and pence on time crisis and the like. she walked away with a photo frame and that made her smile.

She feels alone but not lonely. And she is relying on something that most probably wouldn't have batted an eyelid.

The Heart and the Brain.

Friday, 5 February 2010

12 days.

turned in my b&&w film for processing yesterday. excited. first diana mini roll!

The Heart and the Brain.

Thursday, 28 January 2010


yesterday/leona lewis.
sounds like the 21st march 2008. reminds me of a former friend who would rather not be friends. sounds like tears. sounds like the peak district expedition.



stop and stare/one republic
ss08, sounds like the national express to brighton. esmee denters.