Sunday, 28 February 2010

The bottle of Asahi.

Of course she didn't go to church for a service. It was a special event and the title was 'why does god allow suffering?' It was interesting and she especially loved when everyone stood up to sing, She stood up as a sign of respect.

After some tempura and a heated discussion over god, she headed over to ladurée for her first try of macarons. The sky was grey and the clouds were spritzing rain, she quickly took the tube and visited the library once again.

1830. She was at the lobby of the hotel. Feeling self conscious and unimportant. Fashion shows made her feel everyone was looking down on her. It didnt help that they were all 6 foot tall!

She felt kind of sad. A kind of regret. Having the opportunity to participate in the fashion show but turning it down. It was a bad move. She was jealous as well. She only wishes that she could be like the president. She feels irrelevant when next to the president and she knows that this person is full of lies. Maybe thats how to get up in the world!

'Lesbians! Lesbians!' one of her friends screamed. They laughed out loud for ages at the tube station. The couple were actually heterosexual. Oh, the shame.

The Heart and the Brain.

Saturday, 27 February 2010

The 35mm film.

On the daily drone, she is deep in thought about how bad the day is going to be. Work used to fun and spontaneous, now it's nothing short of a brain solvent. It sucks the life and soul out of her and she knows that when she enters happy, she
will exit incredibly depressed and pissed off. She loves the extra money though so she won't give it up until necessary.

But today, she went in dead and came out alive. Her one colleague always seemed to conjure up magnifcently brain stimulating conversations and she can't help but feel her argument trump his. 'If you found the vaccine for AIDS, would you release it or make money?'. Such a flawed question, she simply couldn't understand how he could not see.

Talking about visual impairment, her other colleague was blind. no doubt about it. With a boyfriend who was exactly the opposite, she could not imagine why the lovely girl next to her would fall for such an asshole. Dependency? Perhaps the feminist she spoke to yesterday was correct!

Our main character sees herself as independent you see, she only required herself and everyone else was....irrevelent. Perhaps that was one of those pessimistic protective mechanisms. It didn't matter. It helped her. In her mind no one would be forgiven or forgotten no matter what grade the betrayal was. No one. It would be a battle of the heart and the brain. And the heart would always win. She didn't need any one. She was the lone wolf. 'Self sufficiency!' she exclaimed. Grudges was one of her worst characteristics. But she knows. This was why, several years ago she decided never to share her private life with her friends, family or aquaintances. Anonymity was one of her favourite words. She realised she could not trust anyone, and she came to see this as a benefit. Because you simply could not end a friendship over a betrayal of which there was no material to betray with in the first place. It was simple. Effective.

If the world kept its big mouth shut, many friendships would still exist. But gossip would vanish. We couldn't have that now, could we?

As she takes the drone home, she feels good. She is comtemplating a hair trim when she gets home. Standing at the platform was a cute guy, she fluttered her eyelashes and pretended to look hard to get. Fail. That was that.

She will be attending church the next morning, for some reason! And then heading to a university fashion show. She was in no way religious! She was a scientist and she knew that a religious scientist was most definately an oxymoron.

'Is your religion christianity?' she asked. 'no' he said. 'christianity is not a religion its a way of life'. 'What a stupid comment' she thought.

The Heart and the Brain.

Friday, 26 February 2010

the red maggot.

It was 0650 all of a sudden and she haphazardly prepared the three snooze alarms &&promptly shoved the charger up the iphones lovely ass. late for school, but only by 10 minutes.

There were maggots in a box and a class full of squeamish girls. 'argh! it's like i can feel them crawling up my sleeve' one of them said, frantically gesturing at her arm. after several attempts the assistant managed to set up an efficient respirometer and measured the little maggots rate of respiration. they were quite disgusting; squirming and frothing like a volcano about to erupt. she felt like she was there just to help aphrehend the little runaways.

she spoke to her school crush that morning and she felt weird. he didn't recognise her. this was a good thing. she couldn't bare the thought that she used to blatantly overstare. she remembered that on her last day in 2005 she cried in his lab. how silly.

After a long talk with a feminist who generalised men to an extent that she felt uncomfortable, she set off to her second home; the library. This girl was a geek, she found comfort and security in the library. After a one of these sessions, she feels overworked but content, it was her way to numb the stress of third year uni.

After an insightful lecture, she became obsessed with LSD and special K. 'Did you get the stuff?' she asked her hospital friend. 'No of course not! I've lost my drug dealer boyfriend!' She was seriously comtemplating these hallucinogens since neither displayed much detrimental effect. She felt like she needed some kind of release, something new and refreshing. she was bored with life. thats why she cut her waist length hair to shoulder on the whim. she really thought it would refresh her but it just felt the same.

So back to the 26th Febuary, she ate crab and wrote wonderful words for her step sister and her cousin.

Arcades was the next stop, wasting pounds and pence on time crisis and the like. she walked away with a photo frame and that made her smile.

She feels alone but not lonely. And she is relying on something that most probably wouldn't have batted an eyelid.

The Heart and the Brain.

Friday, 5 February 2010

12 days.

turned in my b&&w film for processing yesterday. excited. first diana mini roll!

The Heart and the Brain.